Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
