Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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