I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
