i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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