a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
