I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
