it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
