i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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