Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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