she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
