He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
