I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
