Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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