my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is my gift to your gina
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
