I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Randomize
