can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
