yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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