anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Houston, we have a blender
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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