the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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