Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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