i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
