Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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