i already hear my dad disowning me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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