Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just found puke in my bra..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
