you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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