Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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