your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
