She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
