New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
