did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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