Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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