I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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