so that wasnt chicken after all
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
