I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
