we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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