You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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