my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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