he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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