He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
