My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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