if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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