Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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