dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
