Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
