OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
