Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
