Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
