I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
