Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
as a side note pls kill me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
