K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
