Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
