i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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