I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
