Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
